I used to like you, but now I know I can live without you. Occasional flings are fine–you’re still cute–but I’m better off on my own. Move onto younger lovers. Find someone you can still impress. I would say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but it’s you. You’re flabby and vain. Take a hard look at yourself. Discipline is your friend; get serious about it and maybe we can still have casual sex.
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