Archive for the ‘Weird’ Category

The Rat Catcher

On a rainy Saturday in Arizona (not a typo), I started reading a certain hoary book to my son. And so it began …

The Hobbit appears in Prescott, AZ

The Hobbit appears in Prescott, AZ

To honor this inauguration, I produced my most sinister eyebrow yet. Come, see for yourself.

The Indoctrinator

The Indoctrinator

This copy of the book was given to me by James Powell, back in Athens, GA in the mid-90s. Reading it to my son (also named Athens) before the release of the movie was recently suggested by my friend James Coleman. And it is always possible that the inspiration of James A. Owen was in some way responsible for all of this. All of these men are kings, and so, I say, three King Jameses conspired to make this happen. There is a message in here for the perceptive … somewhere.

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My good buddy and editor Joshua Essoe has succeeded in pulling me out of guest blog hibernation. The result is this incredibly strange post I wrote over at The Fictorians for those considering going indie. It features some good resources, and even a little advice (warning: the advice comes from me).

I need to add a lot of new bloggers’ reviews of The Black God’s War to my ‘book’ page above, but here’s one I have to share today. This one felt like a soul kiss. Thank you, Nina Post! It’s all good. We’re both married.

p.s. the email notifications haven’t been working on my blog recently. If you got an email about this one, there are three recent posts you may have missed, including a post about where the heck I’ve been for the last five months. EDIT: Those darn notifications still aren’t working. Hmph.

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Sasha Siregar was born in January. Here she is in one of her not-so-secret roles:

The Fairy Queen

Sasha, The Fairy Queen

She joined Athens, our 5-year-old son, and now we have the matching set. Becoming a Dad all over again has made me think hard about who I want to be when I grow up.

This year, while searching his soul, Dad has been spending time with son, coaching T-Ball, playing D&D with friends, and making some money.

Head Coach and Leadoff Hitter for "The Purple Spies"

I’ve been asking myself if I’m still committed to the writing dream. Smarter people than I have said that if you can quit, you probably should. But thanks to the people who have read my first book and gone on this journey with me, I can’t. Not today.

This saga that I’ve started (Splendor and Ruin) has another couple of big books left in it. Outside of being responsible to the people around me there’s nothing I want to do more than to write these books. And after I write these two books, I really want to write more.

One critical thing helped me get back on track. Over the last ten months, I’ve sold over 3,000 copies of my novel and given away roughly 20,000 free copies. In March, Amazon matched iTunes’ free price on my novel for six days, leading to 12,000 free downloads. I waited, expecting to get killed by reviews from so many new readers who downloaded a freebie that “just wasn’t for them.” Instead, I got so many kind reviews and many more kind emails. I shit you not one bit, my readers gave me the boost I needed. You told me that I should keep writing.

When I wrote The Black God’s War over the course of two years (the only book I’ve ever attempted), it looked like Mt. Everest. And before I attended my third Superstars Writing Seminar a month ago, book 2 looked just as difficult to climb. But after the seminar, my perspective changed.

I am going to pour all I’ve got into the next two books in this trilogy, but I’m already looking down the road, seeing that these books aren’t huge mountains in front of me anymore. These are books I’m going to write as if they were the last things I will ever get the chance to write, and then–Universe willing–I’m going to quickly move on and write more.

I want to get back into blogging regularly, but if I don’t, I can almost guarantee you that it’s because I’m writing. Because over the last month, I have been totally recommitted to these books. Do or do not. There is no try. And I love the way books 2 and 3 are coming together.

I’d like to get book 2 out by the end of 2012, but that might be too ambitious. We’ll see. I’m definitely giving it all I’ve got, and I’m shooting for mid-2013 at the latest. I want to thank everyone out there who is looking forward to book 2, THE GODS DIVIDED. I know one little guy who can’t wait to see it (especially the map–he loves the maps):

 

My Biggest Fan

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The Black God's War (Novel)With 11 votes and two more votes than the two who tied for second place, the winner of #5MinuteFiction Week 65 is …

DL Thurston@DL_Thurston

Congratulations, DL! It was a close one, but you edged out Sharon and Brian. In addition to considerable bragging rights, you’ve also won a free copy of The Black God’s War (ebook or trade paperback). DL’s winning piece of flash fiction is the first one presented below.

Thanks to everyone who participated! It was a lot of fun for me to host and judge the event, and I truly got a kick out of everyone’s submissions. Thanks for playing and I hope to see you again soon.

 

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The five finalists for this week’s #5MinuteFiction are, listed in the order of submissions:

DL Thurston / @DL_Thurston

redshirt @redshirt6

kaolin fire@kaolinfire

Sharon Wachsler@aftergadget

Brian Cortijo @briancortijo

All I’m sayin’ is, if I had entered this competition, I don’t think I would’ve been one of the finalists. And the writing prompt was about my book. These folks are good! A little too good, if you ask me. I suspect foul play. Perhaps souls being promised to powerful discarnate entities? But I have no evidence, so …

The winner gets bragging rights and a free copy of The Black God’s War (paperback or ebook). While you’re waiting for the winner to be announced (tomorrow morning, after I wake up, maybe around 8 or 9 am Pacific?), you’re more than welcome to check out this in-browser, five chapter preview of The Black God’s War. You can find more info on the book, including some reviews, here on my blog.

And now, your Devil worshippers finalists.

DL Thurston@DL_Thurston

“When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until a young man was found, born of common stock, who…”

“Wait wait wait,” his grandson griped. “Is this another one of those chosen one saves the day stories?”

“But those are the best kind of stories.”

“Why?”

“They teach us that anyone could be special.”

“Nuh-uh. Special people are special. If you’re not, you just get to be killed by orcs.”

He shifted in his chair, uncomfortable about the line of questioning but proud of his grandson for seeing through the stories.

“Alright, then, what kind of story would you like to hear?”

“What was the world like when you were a kid?”

He beamed and with an impishness in his voice said, “oh, I doubt you want to hear about then. It was boring.”

“No! No no no! Tell me!”

“Alright,” the grandfather said, “let me think. Ah yes. When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until I was found…”
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redshirt @redshirt6

When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until one day it was realized that they had been fighting themselves. It was finally discovered that the two had met at the boundary between worlds. On one side, the normal world, and on the other was a mirror world. Like a small tiger cub approaching a mirror and mistaking itself for another, it had taken a while to figure out.

Ultimately, the introduction of a cosmic ball of yarn resolved this epic struggle.

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kaolin fire@kaolinfire

When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until the city of Kalinga sold out. Their holy tomes, though critically acclaimed, and loved throughout the land, had not met with the approval his High Holiness Kann the Fourth. They gave the ten gods maps of the Mahayana passes; succored them after travel, and allowed them to stage. Sravasti fell shortly after, the stories penned at Kalinga swaying them body and soul. With the combined might of Rezzia, the ten gods, and Sravasti and Ashown against the capital, Kannauj soon fell. The monks of Kalinga quickly set to writing the histories—and it was known throughout the lands, and for all time, the great deeds of the press and the scribes who manned them.

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Sharon Wachsler@aftergadget

When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until the mystics had had their fair share of pizza.

It was well known that Pawelonian pizza was not only extremely tasty, with it’s batter-dipped oorangtilian and pickled onshulung giving it that certain flavor that reminded everyone who tasted it of their first orgasm, but it also rendered the eater incredibly strong, hairy, and full of second-Sight.

The Gods knew they were at this disadvantage, and no amount of Rezzian spaghetti could ever make up for it. No matter how delicious the basil-infused spider-fish was.

The Mystics, now sprouting a fine coat of silver fur, muscles bulging like frantian tigers, eyes popping up all over their bodies, and the backs of their heads, peeking through their new, thick pelts, turned to face the Gods.

They were ready. They’d had their glass of Cabernet imported from Earth, too. They strode to the battlefield, all eyes roving in 360 directions.

That’s when they saw it. The big marquee over the Rezzian town center: “Pawleon Pizza: Fresh, Hot, Ready, & Fur-Bearing in Five Minutes or Your Money Back.”

7,000 pairs of Mystic eyes blinked in consternation.

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Brian Cortijo @briancortijo

“When the ten gods of the Kingdom of Rezzia went to war with the mystics of the lands of Pawelon, neither side could gain any advantage until …”

James squinted at the two additional columns of text, shook his head, and closed the thin booklet.

“Alright, that’s too much.” He hated long, expository read-aloud text that had nothing to do with the module. Everyone did.

Well, everyone except Keith. He knew all this stuff cold, and he’d been waiting months to play The Black Cultists of Rezzia. He sighed a little bit, and closed his notebook, as James continued.

“The mystics of Pawelon have hired you to guard a sacred artifact from the cultists of Rezzia.”

“Which god?”

“What do you mean, which god, Keith? They’re cultists of Rezzia…”

“Rezzia,” started Keith, “is a place, not a deity.”

“Look,” said James, “do you want to play, or not?”

“Yes, but…”

“If you keep debating, no one else is going to have any fun.”

The rest of the table nodded eagerly in agreement.

“James, I understand that you’re the GameMaster, but it’s important to me that you at least try and get some of the details right. For example, if you’d even tried to read the intro text…”

“That’s it. While Keith’s priest is checking his book to see which god the cultists worship, a pack of starving wolves attacks the party. Roll for initiative.”

Keith sighed, deflated, and picked up his dice.

 

Who shall wear the crown? #5MinuteFiction Week 65
DL Thurston / @DL_Thurston
redshirt @redshirt6
kaolin fire / @kaolinfire
Sharon Wachsler / @aftergadget
Brian Cortijo @briancortijo
pollcode.com free polls

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18
Mar

Welcome to the Slush Pile, Suvudu!

   Posted by: Moses Siregar III Tags: , ,

Suvudu is hosting a contest that will award an editorial review of a science fiction, fantasy, horror, or paranormal romance novel to the winning submission. Here’s my favorite comment on their blog post announcing the contest. It’s from “Taylor:”

I thought I’d share a funny story. I made a submission earlier, but I was hammered ass drunk. I forgot I even entered the contest. I have no idea if the file sent was the right one either. It wasn’t until I checked my email that I realized that I had entered. I was preoccupied with, well, beer, one of the greatest substances known to man.

Well, hopefully I sent the correct file. Good Luck to everybody else in the running. I’m sure that it would be a big break for anyone involved. Fuck Publish America. Roll Tide!

Kangaroo,

T

Awwwwwww, yeah. Welcome to the slush pile, baby.

And hey, Taylor, if you’re out there and this was a joke … keep ‘em coming, bro!

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13
Sep

Hilarious–Amazon Humor

   Posted by: Moses Siregar III Tags: , , ,

Be sure to read the reviews on this $6,232.00 Kindle book (click this text link for the page on Amazon).

54 of 64 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Good but could be better…, November 14, 2008

Sure I can render my foes defenseless with the mighty transmogrifier I made after finishing chapter 5 but I was lead to believe this was the “Pop Up” version of Nuclear Energy (Landolt-Bornstein: Numerical Data and Functional Relationships in Science and Technology). I already own the abridged version of Nuclear Energy (Landolt-Bornstein: Numerical Data and Functional Relationships in Science and Technology) and while it did allow me to dabble in the juvenile realm of cold fusion it was the tantilizing prospect of world domination wrought via colorful anime pop ups that really hooked me in to this purchase. On a plus note the illustrations (while only 2D) are hilarous. Landolt-Bornstein are famous for their wit (as witnessed in the classic “Bornstein Bears” cartoon series). Bottom line, if you already own the original Nuclear Energy (Landolt-Bornstein: Numerical Data and Functional Relationships in Science and Technology) skip this purchase; if your looking to expand your library of Numerical Data and Functional Relationship books and don’t mind the lack of 3D Pop Up Support then buy a copy today.

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20
Jul

Whither the Aliens? Was it the Bomb or the Xbox?

   Posted by: Moses Siregar III Tags: , , ,

I found an interesting link from a commenter (Rachel) on Mark Charan Newton’s blog post about gaming addiction in South Korea. It’s an article from Seed Magazine on Why We Haven’t Met any Aliens. While I find the article’s central argument about aliens just silly-fun-interesting, it makes a very interesting point about “fitness-faking technology.” I think Rachel does a good job of summarizing one of the many implications of this:

There was an interesting article in SEED magazine about something … which suggested entertainment systems (and I suppose we can included fictional worlds) are fitness-faking systems: they make us think we’re biologically fitter than we are (if we read about being strong, we think we are strong; if we read about finding a mate, we feel like we’re found one).

As to our brothers from other planets, this comment is from the Seed Magazine article itself:

After Hiroshima, some suggested that any aliens bright enough to make colonizing space ships would be bright enough to make thermonuclear bombs, and would use them on each other sooner or later. Maybe extraterrestrial intelligence always blows itself up … I suggest a different, even darker solution … Basically, I think the aliens don’t blow themselves up; they just get addicted to computer games.

That brings up something interesting that I hadn’t thought about before. Assuming there are intelligent forms of life scattered about the phsyical universe, would the most advanced lifeforms mainly find ways to be self-sufficiently happy, or would they travel around the universe spreading their gospel (or might they not need to physically travel to influence other cultures?)? I’d like to think that an enlightened human society would do some of both: enjoying their own creations, while looking to share them with others. Of course, any species just like us would probably exploit every space rock they could find.

I’m going to be pissed if the aliens come, and it turns out they’re all Dick Cheney.

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